I sometimes fantasize what this life would be like if lesbians ruled the world. In this fantasy, Ellen DeGeneres is President and each morning we all get up out of bed and dance our way into the kitchen. While we’re waiting for the kettle to boil, we open the blinds, look out into the world and shout, “Yay! Another gay day!” We sit down with our coffee and check our Facebook news feed…
If lesbians ruled the world, perhaps we’d have one or two days (paid) holiday when we start bleeding from our vaginas. I don’t know about you, but I feel like SHIT when I get my period, not to mention the few days of menstrual madness I get before it comes. I’ve had girlfriends so crippled by their periods that they writhe around for hours until the pain finally subsides enough for them to get out of bed. And we are expected to work productively in this state? Not to mention the high cost of sanitary products these days… and no, I don’t want to use a “menstrual cup”, even though I’m assured it’s a great ‘device’, it sounds pretty messy.
It’s a no-brainer that marriage equality would be legal everywhere if lesbians ruled the world. The homophobes wouldn’t like it because it would “demoralize and devalue traditional marriage” and “open the door for increasingly deviant behavior”, like marrying your dog for example, but hopefully we’d find a way to deal with those ignorant and selfish people.
If lesbians ruled the world, I wonder if it would be more acceptable for women to walk around shirtless on hot days. What is it about that extra bit of flesh that makes our breasts not fit for public viewing, whereas no one bats an eyelid at the man-boobs strutting proudly down the street? What makes our nipples more ‘sexual’ than a man’s? My bisexual girlfriend assures me that some men’s nipples are even more sensitive than women’s. Wouldn’t the world be more fun if women walked around topless? Or would we all go around wanting to grab everyone’s boobs?
Maybe one day lesbians will rule the world, but until then I’ll just let them rule my world. Which lesbian would you want to rule the world?